Cheat Sheet: Steal This Book

Groucho Marxists.

About

“Don’t fuck the system, destroy it.”

Counterculture book written by the influential American activist Abbie Hoffman in 1970 and published in 1971. Rejected by over 30 publishers, Hoffman created Pirate Editions publishing to sell the book. Besides no advertising and many bookstores refusing to stock the book, it became a bestseller and sold over 250,000 copies that year.

Divided into three sections, “Survive!”, “Fight!” and “Liberate!”. Most techniques and listings have become obsolete, but reflects the Yippie (Youth International Party members) zeitgeist. Contains a lot of ridiculous statements.

Introduction

“The graduate school for survival…in the prison that is Amerika.”

“If you have comments, law suits, suggestions or death threats, please send them to…”

“Free speech is the right to shout ‘theatre!’ in a crowded fire.” — Yippie proverb

Survive!

Free food, clothing, furniture, transportation, land, housing, education, medical, communication, entertainment, money (welfare, unemployment, panhandling), and dope.

“Let’s face it, if you really are into beating the clothing problem, move to a warm climate and run around naked.”

“For really long distances, east or west is best. Unless, of course, you’re going north or south.”

“Freak drivers usually only pick up other freaks.”

“A one-way ride is easy if you want to get into skyjacking. Keep the piece or knife in your shoe to avoid possible detection with the ‘metal scanner’…or use a plastic knife or bomb…skyjacking appears to be the cheapest, fastest way to get away from it all.”

“Squatting is not only free, it’s a revolutionary act. If you stay quiet you can stay indefinitely. If you have community support you may last forever.”

“The only reason you should be in college is to destroy it.”

“Free abortions must be looked on as a fundamental right, not a sneaky, messy trauma.”

“Condoms are subject to breaking and sliding off, their effectiveness is not super great. If you are forced to use them…”

“You get all sorts of threatening mail, which, by the way, also comes free.”

“Tell him you were recently raped. In sexist Amerika, this will probably be true.”

“If you get burned for heroin or speed, you’re better off being taken, because these are body-fuck drugs that can mess up your body badly.”

“Snakes can be caught in any wooded area and they make great pets.”

“Tell them you want to time an orgy.” (on trialing a watch)

“Wages…are so insulting that stealing really is a way of maintaining self-respect.”

• Plausible. Table-diving, happy hour hors-d’oeuvres, crashing weddings or mar-mitzvahs, dumpster diving, eating food while shopping, switching bottle cap price tags (i.e. different-sized bottles use the same cap), create your own price stickers, complaint letters to manufacturers, shoplifting clothing in change rooms, secret coat pockets, walk out with bowling alley shoes (i.e. leave a pair), claiming lost items (e.g. train station, laundromat), growing yogurt, furniture from the streets on moving day, furniture from tables/cinderblocks/pallets, fare evasion (jump the turnstile, double-up, pull the bar 1/3 towards you and step over), sleep on rooftops, camping in national parks, squatting (land in dispute), start a food co-op, turn up to college classes, graffiti stencils and pastes, letting people in (e.g. movies, concerts) via the fire escape, fake charity collection (sign up and steal the canister), substitute oregano/parsley/catnip for pot, sunflowers as camouflage for pot, send letter with actual address as the return address, paste postage-paid letters to a brick and drop into a mailbox (forced to pay postage, get rid of all your garbage this way!), ringing up lesser amounts (as a cashier) and pocketing the difference.
• Outdated. Freighting (uncomfortable, cold, beautiful countryside), emptying gas station hoses, syphon gas from other cars (gravity draws until both tanks reach equilibrium), stolen airline tickets, foreign coins in subway turnstiles, homesteading, People’s Parks (purchased land for free living), underground newspapers (replacement: internet), start a commune (4–7 people, establish rules), getting through to switchboards by dialing sequential numbers, guerrilla broadcasting (short-distance radio), free payphone calls (spit on pennies, spinning coins, lifting coins back up, number 14 brass washer with scotch tape on one side, grounding the receiver, recording and replaying deposit sounds, social engineering the operator), using fake credit card numbers, take all the newspapers from the vending machine and sell them, stamps not in the upper right corner won’t be cancelled, Icelandic 5 auran coin substitute for a quarter, forge credit cards to buy items from stores (don’t verify for small purchases).
• Far-fetched. Dressing as a priest to get food donations, shoplifting distractions by knocking over displays or pretend fights, sandals cut from car tires, park bus (with hole cut into floor) over gas station filler hole and run tube down and pump out gas, boarding a plane without a ticket, fake airline reservations, hitching a ride on private planes, skyjacking (!), living in abandoned oil-drilling platforms, obtain materials from nearest military installation, sell your body to medical school (tattoo on foot), Xeroxed dollar bills in vending machines, substitute camel shit for hash, National Park Service giving away free elks (!), government sending you a free buffalo (“Demand your free buffalo”), sent back from overseas by claiming destitution at a US Embassy (invalidates your passport until money is repaid), forged credit cards to get money from a bank.

“Dealing, although dangerous, is a tax-free way of surviving even though it borders on work.”

“Avoid all needle drugs — the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.”

“Too much will kill you. A little bit goes a long way.”

• Drugs. You have the right to sample the merchandise free unless it’s coke, check the weight with a small pocket scale, if buying a large amount of acid pick a sample, if buying cocaine use a black light (impurities glow). Posting is safer than carrying. Never deal in the month before an election.
• Growing pot. Blue light bulbs 24/7 for first 30 days, red bulbs 16 hours a day for a week, 14 hours for a week, then 12 hours until flower. Female plant stronger. Best if allowed to reach maturity, but smokable earlier. Dry in the sun for 2 weeks, or oven on low heat. Increase potency (“curing”) by placing in plastic bags and sprinkling drops of wine/rum/booze. Alternative is bury in a plastic bag (moldy), or in a container with dry ice until it evaporates.

Fight!

Self-printing, underground newspapers, guerrilla broadcasting (radio, TV), protesting, self-defense, explosives, first aid, legal aid, claiming asylum, pranks, guns and living underground— plus topics from the previous section.

“There is an indirect ration between readability and academic snobbishness. Avoid the textbook look. Remember, the New York Times in its low form represents the Death Kulture.”

“Nothing in the underground press is copyrighted.”

“There is a growing willingness to do battle with the pigs in the streets and at the same time to inflict property damage. …has come to be called ‘Trashing’.”

“Don’t think rally or demonstration, think war and battle-zone.”

• Protesting/demonstrations. Helmets, gas masks, walkie-talkies, weapons (signs, spray cans, slingshot, slings, boomerang (“as easy to master as the Frisbee…great psychological effect in using exotic weapons such as this!”), tasers, mace, roofing nails on the street for tires.
• Self-defense. Knife fighting (flat gravity knife from an army surplus store, fencing jabbing method not overhead slashing) unarmed (breaking grips, vulnerable spots, “the fist is a ridiculous weapon to use. It’s fleshy, the blow is distributed…and the knuckles break easily,” judo chops, kick groin/shins/knees).
• Bombs. Instructions on how to build a stink bomb, smoke bomb, LACE bomb (LSD, DMSO and water sprayed to “produce an involuntary pelvic action…that resembles fucking”), Molotov cocktail, and Sterno bomb (converted Sterno can producing a wide spray of jellied fire), and pipe bomb (grind down to direct the explosion). Also how to make a fuse and gather gunpowder.
• Monkey warfare. Syringe filled with epoxy glue (for locks, parking meters, phones, etc.), large magnet back-and-forth over computers, dead fish in safety deposit box (fake name), feeding 120 volts into a phone receiver (short out switchboards).

“If you are around a military base, you will find it relatively easy to get your hands on a M-79 grenade launcher, which is like a giant shotgun and is probably the best self-defense weapon of all-time.”

• Guns. Handguns “use high velocity hollow pointed bullets…insuring a kill,” rifles (the Lee Harvey Oswald Special, AR-18 civilian version of the M-16), and shotguns (cut down barrel from legal limit of 18 inches).
• Living underground. Link up with underground network (e.g. the Weathermen, “organizes bombings, political assassinations, jail breaks, bank robberies and other activities”), constantly change location, avoid manhunts, disguises, fake IDs, and only use pay phones.

Liberate!

City-specific advice.

Fuck New York. Sleep in Central Park during the daytime (“although the muggers come out to play at night”), sneak into conventions and ocean cruises, “free tea and crumpets served during intermission” at Bronx and Staten Island cricket matches.

Fuck Chicago. Everyone 17 or under must be off the streets by 10:30pm!

Youth International Party

“What does Yippie! mean? Energy — fun — fierceness — exclamation point!” — Abbie Hoffman

• A radical counterculture revolutionary offshoot of the free speech and anti-war movement whose members were commonly called “Yippies.”
• Founded on December 31, 1967 by Abbie and Anita Hoffman, Jerry Rubin, Nancy Kurshan and Paul Krassner. Many members used TV or pop references such as Pogo, Gumby, and Coca Crystal.
• It had no formal membership or hierarchy and their flag had a black background with a five-pointed red star in the center, and a green cannabis leaf superimposed over it.

“We have met the enemy and he is us.” — Pogo

• The “New Nation” combined political radicalism of the New Left with hippie counterculture lifestyle. Called for alternative counterculture institutions (e.g. food co-ops, underground newspapers, squatting, artist collectives, pirate radio, etc.) and the first to exploit pop culture and mass media.

Guerrilla Theatre

• In 1967, threw money (real and fake) from the balcony of the New York Stock Exchange to the trading floor.
• In 1967, during the March on the Pentagon hundreds attempted (group chanting ancient Aramaic) to perform an exorcism (and levitation) of the Pentagon.
• In 1968, ran Pigasus the Immortal for President.
• In 1968, “Yip-In” at Grand Central leading to violent clashes with police. A month later a peaceful “Yip-Out” event in Central Park that drew 20,000 people.
• In 1968, during the Chicago Democratic National Convention, widespread televised clashes between protestors and police leading to the five-month “Chicago Seven” conspiracy to riot trial. Defendants (Hoffman, Rubin) turned up to court in judicial robes, as a Revolutionary War soldier passing out copies of the Declaration of Independence (Rubin), Santa Claus, Viet Cong soldier, and wearing an American flag (arrested while shouting “I regret that I have but one shirt to give for my country”). Saluted the committee with Nazi salutes.
• In 1969, Abbie Hoffman interrupted The Who at Woodstock to speak against the incarceration of John Sinclair (sentenced to 10 years in prison for giving an undercover officer two joints). Guitarist Pete Townshend used his guitar to bat Hoffman off stage.

“We will fuck on the beaches! … We demand the Politics of Ecstasy! … Abandon the Creeping Meatball!”

• In 1969, thousands in D.C. stormed the Justice Department building.
• In 1970, Tom Forcade the first political pie-thrower (hit a member of the President’s Commission on Obscenity and Pornography). In 1972, Pat Small the first to be arrested for pie-throwing. Aron “The Pieman” Kay became the best-known Yippie pie-thrower with victims including senators, the New York City mayor, Watergate burglar Frank Sturgis, ex-CIA head William Colby, National Review publisher William Buckley and Studio 54 owner Steve Rubell. Failed attempt to pie Elvis Costello (for racist comments).
• In 1970, the first of many marijuana “Smoke-Ins” in D.C.
• In 1970, invaded Disneyland hoisting the New Nation flag and taking over Tom Sawyer’s Island — forcing the park to close early for only the second time (the other being JFK’s assassination) as riot police arrested 23 Yippies.
• In 1970, invaded the US border town of Blaine, Washington.
• In 1970, Betty “Zaria” Andrew ran for Vancouver mayor with a campaign promise to repeal all laws — including gravy so everyone could get high.
• In 1970, Stew Albert ran for Alameda County sheriff challenging the incumbent sheriff to a high-noon duel!
• In 1970, Detroit Yippies applied for a permit to blow up the General Motors building — and after denial said “it just goes to show you can’t work within the system to change the system!”
• In 1970, as a guest on The Frost Programme, Rubin and London Yippies took over the show and fired a water pistol into host David Frost’s open mouth leading to and end to the show.
• In 1971, clash between protestors and police on the final day of the Madison conference.
• in 1971, Hoffman and Al Bell started the pioneer phreak magazine The Youth International Party Line (YIPL), later renamed TAP (Technological American Party or Technological Assistance Program).
• In 1971, the May Day protests resulted in the largest (over 12,600!) mass arrest in American history.
• In 1971, a Vancouver “Smoke-In” resulted in the Gastown Riot.
• In 1973, 500 Yippies marched on the Manhattan home of Watergate conspirator John Mitchell chanting “Free Martha Mitchell!” and leaving a joint on the doorstep.
• In 1973, protested Richard Nixon’s inauguration.
• In 1973, Tom Forcade founded the very-successful High Times magazine.
• In 1976, famously ran Nobody for President as its official candidate with the slogan “Nobody’s perfect” which led to the placement of “None of the Above” to the election ballot in Santa Barbara County.
• In 1979, founded the US branch of Rock Against Racism — which later became the 1983 Rock Against Reagan tour, which featured the Dead Kennedys and Whoopi Goldberg standup.
• In 1980, protested the Republican National Convention in Detroit.
• In 1984, protested the Republican National Convention in Dallas by burning the flag and jumping into the reflecting pool leading to 99 arrests.
• In 1999, Dana Beal started the Global Marijuana March.

Yippies operated free stores, marches (legalize marijuana), operated a legal defense fund, launched food co-ops, ran underground press, published anarchist zines, hosted cable TV programs (If I Can’t Dance You Can Keep Your Revolution), organized anti-gentrification protests (LES), made a cult film (Medicine Ball Caravan, later renamed We Have Come for you Daughters), and published a book (Blacklisted News: Secret Histories from Chicago, ’68 to 1984, 733 pages). Famous Yippies include John Waters. Invented pie-throwing as a political act! The Yippies continued as a small movement into the early 2000s.

In 2004, purchased the long-time Yippie “headquarters” (initially acquired by squatting) at 9 Bleecker Street in New York City for $1.2 million. Museum and cafe (Roseanne Barr performed) until closing in 2013. Currently a boxing club (the interior retains much of the original decor).

Aftermath

Hoffman was the author of many books. Similar books by other authors include Buy This Book, and Buy This Too. In 2000, the film Steal This Movie. In 2008, PBS movie about the Chicago riots (Hank Azaria as Abbie Hoffman and Mark Ruffalo as Jerry Rubin).

In 1973, Hoffman was arrested for intent to sell cocaine (he claimed entrapment). In 1974, he skipped bail and underwent cosmetic surgery to alter his appearance and hid underground for several years — abandoning his family in the process. In 1989, Hoffman — who had been suffering depression — committed suicide by alcohol and ingesting 150 phenobarbital pills. In 1994, Jerry Rubin (who became a successful stockbroker) died after being hit by a car while jaywalking.